Friday, December 5, 2008

Amanda's Evaluation of y My Rough Draft

Manuscript Title: Republican Visions of Undermining Patriarchy in Isaac Mitchell’s The Asylum


Accept _____

Revise and resubmit _X

Reject _____

Specific Suggestions for Revision:

I think you make a lot of legitimate arguments but I am confused as to why you would try to argue that the text both undermines and condones patriarchy. Perhaps instead you should argue that he does both, but does one insincerely. Your style and use of elevated language are impressive. The only thing I have a concern about is that sometimes you neglect to relate your argument to your textual support. Make sure if you are giving us textual evidence that you are clarifying how it relates to and supports your initial argument. Also, be sure to quote the text and avoid merely paraphrasing. Another thing to consider is your organization. Look at all of your arguments and make sure that the way you have arranged them is best suited to your overall point. For instance, you wait until the third or fourth paragraph to define “republican” and that is something you should really do right away, perhaps in your introduction, because it is something that defines the legitimacy of your argument. Be careful to avoid using filler sentences that say something about the text but are not necessarily relevant to your point. Overall this is a good paper and you have an excellent foundation for a great argument.

Date sent to Reader: 18 November 2008 Date due: 26 November 2008

Date Returned: 26 November 2008

Reader's Signature: Amanda Dickson